Authentic Meditation

by: Alena Taylor

Meditation is a personal experience. I often feel an underlying pressure to meditate “correctly”. Good news is that there is no such thing as “correct”. If you are not sure how to get started or you feel like your mind is racing, you are not alone. I am a trained priestess and my experience varies widely from one meditation to another. Sometimes it starts like this:

I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m not grounded, it’s been a weird day, I feel emotional, and the idea of meeting a deity or doing work on my inner self just feels like too much to ask. Honestly, it makes me want to take a nap instead. But here we are, so lets do this. 

Settle into an upright, but comfortable seated position. Do a quick self-scan…not too hungry, not too full, not too hot or cold, bladder at a comfortable level, phone off or away…looks good. Time to breathe. Yes, apparently I had not formerly been breathing. One long in breath, and out slowly. Two long in breath, and out slowly. Three long in breath, and out slowly. Inner body scan…relax face muscles, unclench jaw, release shoulder and neck muscles, set hands comfortably on legs and allow them to relax. Core is in use with long, slow breaths, but feels natural. 

And that all happens before the meditation begins. 

In any meditation, as the meditation leader begins the process of changing the state of consciousness, I have to remind myself that it’s OK if I remain focused on breathing instead of forcing myself further while all these distracting thoughts are running around in my head. In fact, I attended a meditation once where all I did was unpack those distracting thoughts. This was my experience:

I remember laying face-up in a shallow stream, feeling very safe (ears under water, nose and mouth in the air with no possibility of splashing or disruption), no fish to tickle my skin, no humans or animals to disturb me, but with the background noise of the gurgle of water over rocks, and the sound of my own breathing (which is much easier to hear underwater). I know there are birds chirping happily in the trees, though I can’t see them. The sun is out, but not shining directly on me, the water cool and the air warm, in the most comfortable manner, and fields, forests, rolling hills around me. I reiterate the feeling of safety in this place. I remain in one place, though not tethered by anything) while the water flows around, under, and past me. There are little lilly pads (stemless because I get creeped out by plants in the water touching my skin) passing me by. They are there for me to set and deliver away my distracting thoughts. As whatever random thought comes to me, I thank them knowing that if my brain needs the information later, it is in a safe place, set it on a lily pad, and let it go. Eventually I run out of thoughts and enjoy the sensation of freedom.

I do this meditation anytime I feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of “stuff” that I feel responsible to hold in my head.  There are times when I need to literally open my eyes and write down the thoughts in order to let them go. That’s OK too! One time my imagination showed me a dump truck backing up to a bluff over my stream, filled with distracting thoughts. I remember the sense of overwhelm leaving me as I watched the truck dump everything over the bluff. I still had to give my attention to every thought in order to let them go, but that was a special meditation because my Grandmother (deceased for many years) floated with me in the stream and joined her energy to mine…we went through the thoughts together.  

Since then, there have been times when I go through this exercise just to be able to relax. I’ll even go as far as to find a quiet room where I can close the door (from the cats and humans), set some “white noise” music, dim the lights, light a candle, and maybe warm some lavender oil. I lay on the floor with a notebook and pen next to my head. It can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 ½ hours, but I always feel lighter when I’m finished. Once I even went back and read through some of the thoughts that I wrote down to “save for later”. I never needed them later.

I’d like to note that I did take a nap. Sleep is my favorite avoidance tactic. But honestly, every meditation is a lesson in being nice to myself. 

There are some meditations where I spend nearly the entire time trying to focus on my breathing and letting all the distracting thoughts disperse themselves so that I can actually go on the inner journey. Sometimes I get angry with myself, but this is what I needed at this time on this day. I try to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me, there was no mistake made, and I did not “miss” anything from the experience as long as I was present with myself.  

Sometimes I drift in and out, or fall asleep entirely during a meditation. While this feels disappointing when I wake up, my brain and my body were trying to tell me that I needed a time-out, and that’s ok. I did not “miss” anything from the experience, and no deity will be angry or disappointed in me. Also, I snore. 

Sometimes seemingly random parts of the meditation will stand out. I can actually say to myself, while in the meditation “hey, that was interesting, please remember to process that later.” and it works! I have found it always worthwhile to take time to feel through, journal through, talk through, or clarify meanings with outside sources. Wild imaginations aside, my instinct is correct.  

I’ve often found, much like with dreaming, if I can write out the parts I remember immediately, before talking, moving, or fully stepping back into daily life, the more I will remember. What I write down or remember does not happen in order. Sometimes it's just bullet points, sometimes it's just feelings, and sometimes it's the beautiful creative landscape of my wild imagination. These are often mixed in with other things I’ve experienced, felt, or looking forward to throughout my life. 

Group meditations can also provide more opportunities for remembering your journey once iti is complete. I love sharing the meditative experience with a small group after writing about it. There are so many ways to experience and interpret an inner journey and hearing someone else’s experience often jogs my memory of something that I had experienced in my own inner journey. The most important goal, however, is to acknowledge the experience as an individual. 

There have been times when I hear someone else’s experience and think “Oh wow, I didn’t get any of that”, that’s great!!  The human brain is a very powerful muscle. I like to get curious! I find it more satisfying to let the experience happen as it will, rather than trying to steer or push it. I often surprise myself!

Final words of advice: 

Always remember, your inner journey is YOURS. There is no “wrong” way to meditate, and there are no “rules”. You don’t have to sit or stand completely still. Sometimes you move within your meditation, and it’s ok to move your physical body. If you are uncomfortable and unable to relax or focus, change your position. You don’t have to imagine or follow along with the meditation leader’s suggestions. If your path doesn’t look like the leader’s, that’s fine! They’re just setting a scene and possible objective.  If they suggest that you meet a deity or other divine being, but you meet someone or something else, then that’s what was supposed to happen, and that’s what you needed. 

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. There is no “wrong” way to meditate, and there is no such thing as “failing”. The experience you had is the one you needed. 

So Mote It Be.